By love-89.com “I really struggle to understand what An Lingrong is going through,” shared one fan of the popular series “Empresses in the Palace.” The online conversation has recently turned toward the characters An Lingrong and Huan Bi. One viewer commented, “An Lingrong hails from a small town yet shines brightly. She can sing, make perfumes, ice skate, and embroider—she’s simply extraordinary. So why is she so tormented? Huan Bi, on the other hand, is just a maid and an illegitimate daughter who has a crush on the prince but doesn’t seem out of place or struggle as much.” Another fan offered a different perspective, stating, “It’s because An Lingrong feels she is ‘less deserving,’ while Huan Bi feels ‘more deserving.’ Those who feel less worthy really resonate with An Lingrong’s conflicts.”
But what does it really mean to feel deserving? Why do we see such a divide between high and low feelings of worthiness? Do people with lower self-worth always find themselves in internal battles like An Lingrong does?
Shen Zhao, a reporter for Yangtze Evening Post/Ziniu News, captured this sentiment: “Do I really deserve this goodness?”
The idea of “deservingness” speaks to an individual’s belief about what they “should” receive, which can profoundly affect our psychological states and behaviors. Many users have shared their own experiences regarding feelings of low worthiness, highlighting the frustrations that come with it.
One user, who goes by “Little Cat,” made the life-altering choice to quit her job and study abroad for broader horizons. Yet, upon getting her visa and preparing to leave, panic set in. “I can’t stop questioning whether I should study abroad and if quitting was the right decision. Do I really deserve to spend so much money exploring the world?” Despite her hard work, feelings of inadequacy surged, leading her to wonder, “Am I worthy of all this?”
Those with low feelings of worthiness often grapple with everyday choices. Another user, “Potato,” faced a dilemma over buying an expensive piece of clothing but couldn’t pull the trigger, repeatedly asking herself, “Is it really worth it to spend two thousand dollars on a shirt?” People struggling with self-doubt often look at situations through a pessimistic lens. Instead of taking pride in finishing a project, they might chalk it up to luck. While preparing for an important exam, they might contemplate giving up, convinced they won’t succeed. Compliments from others frequently invite skepticism; they assume the praise is overstated and that they aren’t as talented as described.
Interestingly, even those who seem to be wildly successful can wrestle with feelings of low worthiness. In a recent episode of the reality show “Mao Xue Wang,” guest Li Xueqin confided her insecurities in work and relationships, always feeling on edge about losing what she has. Co-guest Yang Tianzhen observed that Li struggled with a sense of deservingness, often feeling unworthy of her accomplishments. In an interview with Lu Yu, comedian Jia Ling reflected on her own past battles with low self-worth, admitting that many, including herself, often feel their talents don’t match their achievements. “I used to downplay compliments, thinking it was just luck. Now when people recognize my work, I accept it.”
For younger individuals, a strong sense of worthiness can act as an antidote to emotional struggles. More and more people are seeing the downsides of low worthiness, which has allowed those who exude high self-worth to become role models. During the Olympics, a wave of young athletes displayed confidence and an aversion to mental self-sabotage in interviews. Gold medalist Pan Zhanle proudly attributed his success to hard work, choosing to ignore external skepticism and focus solely on his accomplishments. Even when he wasn’t the favorite, he rejected thoughts of self-doubt, asserting that relentless effort was key. His attitude struck a chord with many fans.
Social media has become a platform for uplifting statements about high worthiness, inspiring admiration. These individuals prioritize their inner desires, fueled by a solid sense of self. While those wrestling with feelings of low worthiness often wonder if they deserve success, those with a high sense of worthiness have already forged ahead on their chosen paths.
Zhang Yan, a member of the Chinese Psychological Health Association and a national secondary psychological counselor, explained in an interview, “The sense of deservingness relates to how one’s efforts measure up to their perceived value. Those with low worthiness often feel like they’re never enough, frequently belittling themselves and doubting their right to enjoy their achievements. On the contrary, high-worthiness individuals are usually confident, believing they deserve good things. The way they frame their experiences can empower or undermine them. This dynamic is tied to their self-worth and self-evaluation.”
Zhang also pointed out that perfectionists often struggle with feelings of inadequacy, remaining overly critical of themselves and feeling pressured to excel in every area of life. Even when achieving significant success, they can still feel insecure. Typically, these individuals grew up in environments that offered little encouragement, with parents emphasizing perfection over progress. While this perfectionistic drive may lead to notable achievements and recognition, balance is crucial; when it overshoots a person’s capacity to cope, it can lead to problematic outcomes. “In my work with clients, I’ve seen that those dealing with extreme anxiety often sacrifice their well-being due to excessive self-imposed pressure. This self-sabotage can negatively impact their mental and physical health.”
Regardless of whether one focuses on the bright or dark sides, some individuals excel at spotting positives while others lean toward negativity. “Ultimately, wise individuals learn and grow from every experience, whether good or bad,” Zhang remarked.
So, how can we remind ourselves that “I am worthy”? Social media has been filled with various strategies to cultivate a stronger sense of deservingness, though some of these suggestions are more effective than others. Zhang provides several concrete tips:
First, nurture self-affirmation and confidence by recognizing your strengths, utilizing them, and minimizing the impact of unchangeable flaws. For those with sky-high standards, aiming for “good enough” can be liberating. It’s essential to appreciate ourselves, spotlight our strengths, and downplay minor imperfections.
Second, practice objective self-evaluation. When facing criticism, resist the impulse for self-doubt; instead, take a moment to reflect. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people who not only acknowledge their own strengths but also elevate others. Spending time with such individuals can feel revitalizing—each interaction can recharge your spirit. “Stay true to yourself, confront challenges with positivity, engage in activities you enjoy, and connect with those who illuminate your life. You absolutely deserve to embrace the goodness that life has to offer.”